yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
