Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
