she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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