the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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