Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
