Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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