Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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