I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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