Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
