i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
