imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
