There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize