i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
