So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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