Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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