If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
