Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
