So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
