spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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