why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
