Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
