i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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