we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
