dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
