Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
