My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
