did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
