yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
