Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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