this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
