I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The feeling are messing with the penis
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
