dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
