I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
