mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
