she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
