I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
