I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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