and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize