you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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