Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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