I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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