ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
