What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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