Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize