mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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