I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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