I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
