All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
