This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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