Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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