I need help removing her.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
