I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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