Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
don't judge my taste in strippers
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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