The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
