Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
