I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Still dying that you shit outside
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
