You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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