Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
