Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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