"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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