Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
