i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
