Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
