pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
