I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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