people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
