I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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