i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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