I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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