my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
