Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
