I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
