I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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