I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
