feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
