so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
